Not good enough

She looked at the events surrounding the break up and asked herself, “could it be that you are not good enough?” Maybe because you are not lissome, or you are too big that he does not want you. Maybe your not nice enough, or cook well. All of these questions bogged her mind. The resolve was that whether she was lissome or thick did not matter. What mattered was the way he saw her. The way that he valued her. The fact that he did not want nor love her. Nevertheless, she went on a bender of trying to lose the weight and hopefully someone would deem her attractive. She started out just losing a few pounds then a few turned into over 20 pounds in too little time. She began to think maybe, this is not a good idea after all. There is no way you are going to lose yourself because someone decided that your worth was minuscule. You are worth more! You are already beautiful whether you are 260 lbs or 110 lbs. Beauty is not just based on outward adornment. It is more about how you feel on the inside. Are you nice? Are you mean? These attributes matter and make even the thinnest woman are ugly and unattractive. These attributes makes a woman beautiful and very attractive. You choose! Not a man or a woman for that matter! You choose what manner you are viewed by how you carry yourself and how you represent you. If you want to be seen as beautiful on the inside start loving yourself from the inside out. This is what she started telling herself.

Feeling a little better, she began to just drop the weight gradually. Deciding that being a healthy weight was a good idea. It was not going to change anything. Whether she lost the weight or not the marriage was over and she needed to know what to do “after this”. This thought was mind boggling to her. After this, who was she? What was she supposed to do or become? She began to define herself by her status and when her status ended, she ended. She just began to exist and not live. She did not know how to live. She felt like she did not fit in anywhere, with anyone. Her identity had been improperly placed and she was feeling the pangs of what happens when you misplace your identity. She mixed up the order. The order is: Plan, purpose, destiny then relationship. She instead did plan and relationship hoping it would define her purpose and therefore give her destiny. Oh what a mistake that was. You can not mix up the order!!! You can not create the existence of human life before the garden was created and the purpose of creation formed.

Now that she knows what she did wrong, it was time to move beyond where she was and begin her life “after this”. Happy that she has found herself by making Christ Lord, she has begun to see how He was at work in everything she was doing, but not acknowledged. So acknowledge God, get His plan for your life, understand what your purpose in the earth is, walk in your destiny then you will be ready for the relationship. In that order!!! No deviation, no more trying to lose the weight to “appear” to be what someone wants, no more shrinking, no more walking outside of the will in order to find a will. Love you, say yes to what God has in store for you and live on purpose!! Live through the eyes of purpose and never forget who you are!

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